In the Spider's Web

Today I'd like to talk about networking. I'd like to talk about how networking is the number one piece of advice professors give on how to be successful for the rest of your life. I'd like to talk about how much I hate networking. I'd like to talk about how evil it is to use people.

Is there anything more to say? I'd like someone to explain to me how we all even manage to get away with networking when everyone knows what we're up to. Why don't I just start walking up to people and say, "Hi. I'm Ayodele. No, no Eye-O-Del-Ly. No, Eye-O-Del-Ly. Yes, sure you've got it. I'm only talking to you because I want to be able to use our shallow relationship to get ahead in life. Yes, this means even getting ahead of you. No, I don't love you and I think you're wearing an ugly shirt. I find your laugh pretentious, but hey, networking makes the world go 'round".

Yes, this is what I'll start to do. Instead of going out of my way to avoid awkward small talk, and no one goes to greater lengths than I to avoid awkward small talk, I will now try to find moments to network. I will throw myself into a lifestyle I've painstakingly tried to avoid for the past 24 1/2 years. I will smile that fake smile. I will laugh at jokes that aren't funny. I will remember people's names. I will say things like, "Let's get coffee!" I will catch others in my spider's web. . .and I will suck them dry.

Charlotte A. Cavatica has plenty to say about networking. I will follow her approach.

First I dive at him. Next I wrap him up. Now I knock him out, so he'll be more comfortable.... flies, bugs, grasshoppers, choice beetles, moths, butterflies, tasty cockroaches, gnats, midgets, daddy long legs, centipedes, mosquitoes, crickets - anything that is careless enough to get caught in my web.

Luckily for Charlotte, she doesn't have very discriminating tastes. She'll take everything that comes her way. She makes the most of her opportunities and connections. But wait, isn't this wicked? Let's tell the truth. I'm not so much protesting the wickedness of networking. I'm protesting that I apparently have to start doing something contrary to my nature; and the reality that this painfully prosaic way of life will not in fact make me more virtuous, but less so. WHY? Why has society been designed to bolster the personalities of Type-A Extroverts? Doesn't anyone care about all the vinegary, introverted types like myself who just want to mind their own business and only speak when they have something worth saying?

But I protest. It is wicked to network. This is not the Kingdom paradigm I am working towards. Though my evil may be in failing to show love for enough people, pretending to care about people I'd rather never speak to is not the means of atonement for my own sins.

Thus, there are two choices before me. I can either keep taking the road less traveled to avoid saying hi to that girl in my class, or I can somehow draw deep from the well of God's love and find that the girl in my class is interesting--and precious to me because she is precious to God. Later, when I need her Uncle the V.P. of SOMEWHERE IMPORTANT to write me a reference, I'll be able to make such a request while still keeping my soul.

I should still like to be sedated while I do this. Or maybe I need happy pills. If only I could network with Charlotte A. Cavatica. Because, as she says

I always give them a little anesthetic so they won't feel pain. It's a little service I throw in.

.I want much more than this provincial life.